its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
