If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize