Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
