her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
