Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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