So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
