you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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