sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
