if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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