nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
