Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
