CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
