Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
