If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
