He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize