So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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