Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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