but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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