I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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