There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize