So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
