This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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