you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
