He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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