Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
