Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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