It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
