Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
