I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
