So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
