do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
