a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
