Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
