"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
