Tell her she can't have a vagina
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
