Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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