when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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