yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
