pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
