just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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