mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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