Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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