the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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