Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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