idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
