i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Randomize
