well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
