btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
