am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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