In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
