bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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