My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
