I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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