The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
