I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
