turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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