You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
