sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
