Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
