I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
