There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
