Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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