i just wanna soil my oats bro
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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