Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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