took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
