Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
