Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
